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Men and Trauma New Zealand
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  • Loafers Lodge Support
  • Home
  • Contact Us
    • Do You Require Urgent Assistance?
    • Make an Appointment
    • Professional Referrals
    • Did we help you?
    • Complaints
    • Fees
    • Ways You Can Help
  • Who are Men and Trauma?
    • Our Wellington Team
    • Our National Locations >
      • Our Auckland Team
      • Our Central Team
      • Our Nelson West Coast Team
      • Our Canterbury Team
    • Who We Work With
    • Home
    • Our Leadership Team
    • Vision and Mission >
      • Charitable status
  • Having Difficulties from trauma and abuse?
    • I'm really struggling with >
      • Child Abuse History
      • Suicidal thoughts and behaviours
      • Domestic, Family or Intimate Partner Violence
      • Anger and Rage after Trauma
      • Anxiety and Depression
      • Addictions
      • Feeling Numb
    • What do we mean by Trauma >
      • What causes Trauma?
      • Effects of Trauma
    • What is Sexual Abuse? >
      • Have I Been Sexually Abused?
      • Disclosing Sexual Abuse
      • Child Sexual Abuse
      • Male Sexual Abuse in New Zealand >
        • Facts VS. Myths
        • 17 Reasons
      • Sexual Harm
  • How we help with recovery
    • 1-on-1 counselling
    • Men and Trauma Support Groups >
      • Trauma Survivors Support Group
      • Suicide Bereavement Support
      • Parents and Carers
      • Survivors of Family Violence
      • Mens' Sexual Abuse Support Groups
      • Families & Partners of Survivors
    • What is peer support >
      • Who are Peer Support Workers?
      • One to One Peer Support
      • Peer Support Group Meetings
    • Confidential Listening Service
    • Tell Us Your Story
  • Rainbow, LGBTQI+ & Takatāpui Services
    • Will This Service Be Right for Me?
    • What Questions Can I Ask A Counsellor?
    • ​Frequently Asked Questions
    • Rainbow Takatāpui: Resources
  • Resources
    • Academic Research
    • Recommended Websites
    • Articles
    • Media Videos

Anger and Rage

We often fear or avoid anger because of its perceived destructive effects.  We throw around statements like, “hurt people hurt people,” as though it’s a given that anger stemming from hurt will harm those around us.  If you watched parents express anger with violence or abuse, you’re more likely to be primed to believe that anger is unacceptable.  However, anger is not inherently bad nor is it harmful.

The experience of sexual abuse or sexual assault as a child, teen, or young adult can have traumatic effects throughout your life.

If you are a survivor of trauma, whether it is from your childhood or from more recent experiences, the most effective way you can work through it is through seeking support.


UNCONTROLLABLE OUTBURSTS OF ANGER
Anger may feel like it is constantly simmering under the surface, waiting to burst out at the slightest provocation.  You could be more irritable and likely to lash out at others around you.  You may feel out of control of the intensity of your anger response.  You might also experience shame, especially if your anger is directed toward your loved ones, or it is similar to unhealthy expressions of anger you experienced as a child. This type of reaction to anger can involve violence, either with physical action or with words.  If you are becoming violent with those around you, it is time to seek help.

Anger as a common reaction to sexual violence
The pain, abuse, manipulation, and injustice associated with sexual violence can evoke strong feelings of anger. Following an experience of sexual abuse or sexual assault there are a whole host of reasons why a man might feel extremely angry:
  • Angry at being sexually assaulted, manipulated and abused
  • Angry that no-one seemed to care
  • Angry at the betrayal of trust
  • Angry that family members failed to protect you
  • Angry at the way the abusive person seems to have just got away with it
  • Angry that no-one did anything to stop it
  • Angry at the injustice of the court system
  • Angry at yourself
  • Angry that you have to live with these memories
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Dealing with Anger

Understanding your own Anger
Are you someone who stuffs their anger down, only to turn it inward on yourself?  Do you find yourself lashing out at others and feeling angry all the time?  Or do you numb out and find it difficult to experience or express anger at all?  Examine the origin of this automatic response: did your family or parents handle anger in this way?  In the opposite way?  Where did you learn to express your anger in this way?  Acknowledging that anger is learned helps you to feel empowered to learn new ways to deal with anger.

Men and Trauma can help make sense of your anger and rage.

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