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Men and Trauma New Zealand
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  • Home
  • Contact Us
    • Do You Require Urgent Assistance?
    • Contact booking form
    • Professional Referrals
    • Did we help you?
    • Feedback
    • Complaints
    • Fees
  • Who are Men and Trauma?
    • Our Locations >
      • Our Auckland Team
      • Our Central Team
      • Our Wellington Team
      • Our Nelson West Coast Team
      • Our Canterbury Team
    • Our Leadership Team
    • Vision and Mission >
      • Charitable status
    • Who We Work With
  • Having Difficulties from trauma and abuse?
    • What do we mean by Trauma >
      • What causes Trauma?
      • Effects of Trauma
    • I'm really struggling with >
      • Child Abuse
      • Suicidal thoughts and behaviours
      • Intimate Partner Violence
      • Anger and Rage after Trauma
      • Anxiety and Depression
      • Addictions
      • Feeling Numb
    • What is Sexual Abuse? >
      • Have I Been Sexually Abused?
      • Disclosing Sexual Abuse
      • Child Sexual Abuse
      • Sexual Harm
    • Male Sexual Abuse in New Zealand >
      • Facts VS. Myths
      • 17 Reasons
  • How we help males recover from trauma and abuse
    • What is peer support >
      • Who are Peer Support Workers?
      • 1 to 1 Peer Support
      • Peer Support Groups
      • Peer Support For Sexual Abuse
      • Peer Support Enquiry Form
    • 1-on-1 counselling
    • Confidential Listening Service
    • Families & Partners of Survivors
    • Tell Us Your Story
  • Rainbow, LGBTQI+ & Takatāpui Services
    • Will This Service Be Right for Me?
    • What Questions Can I Ask A Counsellor?
    • ​Frequently Asked Questions
    • Rainbow Takatāpui: Resources
  • Resources
    • Academic Research
    • Recommended Websites
    • Articles
    • Media Videos

Child Sexual Abuse

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​Sexual abuse might have occurred when you were a child or a young adult. 

People will say things like “I’m doing this because you want it”, which can be confusing when you are still working out who you are.  When this has happened, we can feel shame and guilt even though it wasn’t our fault.


The impacts of child sexual abuse can be complex and severe. It is common that a man who has experienced child sexual abuse will experience a range of negative effects many years after the abuse. 
Anyone who has lived through traumatic experiences in childhood has, often developed a range of creative, effective strategies that helped them survive and go on to live their life. Very often, however, the strategies that worked in childhood don’t work so well in the adult world. What we are working with is not only the effects of the abuse, but also the unwanted side-effects of the coping methods some men adopt to help them deal with the trauma.

This is what brings men to seek help, quite often it's not the original abuse, but a crisis involving the strategies the man has been using to manage the effects of the abuse. Men are sometimes surprised to find that what they think of as their current problem was originally developed as a strategy for dealing with their abuse. .

​It is important to remember:
  • What happened isn’t your fault. It isn’t ‘because of you’ or anything that you did or didn’t do.  It is only the fault of the person who abused you
  • It is normal for your body to respond to sexual touching, even when you don’t want it.  This can be confusing but what happened was still abuse, and was not your fault.​ 
  • Exploring our sexuality when we come from families and society where it is ‘forbidden’ or ‘stigmatised’ makes us vulnerable.  Being forced/pushed to participate in sexual activity that you were not ready for is sexual abuse
  • Your sexuality is not because of abuse.  People of all sexualities have experienced abuse, and there are people of all sexualities who haven’t.  You can trust your gut instincts about who you are
  • Being trans is not because of abuse.  Some people who are trans have experienced abuse and some have not, just like all genders
  • Research shows that young people who don’t conform to traditional gender ideas are often more targeted for all kinds of abuse. ​

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